My food choices

Hey there guys!  I hope everyone is having a beautiful Saturday morning so far!  It's been raining here in OKC for literally a month straight, with a dry day here and there, but today it's suppose to be non-stop rain soooo...it will be a beautiful day, just a wet one.  Ok, so I have decided to blog about my food choices and what "diet" I'm doing to lose weight.  I have have gotten many direct messages on instagram and private messages on FB, while I do enjoy getting those, and am happy for you to continue sending them...I decided it would be easier to blog about this specific question because it is the most common.  But I am still happy to privately answer any questions you all have,  don't be afraid to private message me, it may just take up to a week or so to respond, but I will eventually get back to you,
 
   Alright...so to answer the question of what "diet" am I doing or following?  As cliche as it sounds...I'm not really following a specific diet.  I know everyone says that, but I truly have no actual diet or plan I am following. In February, I had started to really fall off track on my journey and knew I needed to make some changes, so after lots of research I had to decided I was going to publicly record my weight loss again and start counting my macros.  I did enjoy counting my macros, but eventually got to a point where I was starting to get bad at tracking things.  Over the past 10 plus years I have tried everything under the sun.  I clearly have not been successful long term on any of them, counting my macros, weight watchers at least 9 to 10 times(not exaggerating at all), using the my fitness pal app EVERYTHING.  I have never had long term success with any of these.  Now please don't get me wrong, these all work and are wonderful ways to keep you on track and get you to where you want to be, but I always will slowly stop tracking which ends up leading to me failing.  I can make every excuse in the book, but it's all excuses...I'm just not disciplined enough to track successfully, but am working on getting there because I would eventually like to try counting my macros again.

  Now, with all that being said....here is how I do it.  I don't track anything, I don't have an exact diet of what I HAVE to eat, but there are lots of rules I have learned or heard of over all my years of trying to get healthy that I try to keep in mind.  You know, don't eat carbs after noon, don't eat after 8 p.m., eat lots of protein, eat your veggies, drink lots of water, work out, etc. etc.  I try to follow these rules and the biggest thing is...I am 100% aware of EVERYTHING that goes into my body.  Just like someone who is tracking is, I just don't record it.  I honestly don't even have a specific amount of calories in which I am trying to hit a day, I just know I am losing weight, I'm not starving myself, and I'm not goring myself either.  I always allow myself one cheat meal a week, in which I have dessert with as well.  I love sweets, but don't allow myself any during the week.  Not because I am crazy strict, but because that is how I end up gorging myself, or cheating to the extremes.  When I would track, that would be a sure way for me to not track.  I would track the one or two cookies that I allowed myself, but then I would get another and sometimes another, but not track it, but now I know everything I eat.  I am 100% HONEST with myself.  If you aren't you are not going to get anywhere.  If you do eat that cookie, or eat 10...who cares...just don't do it everyday.  I love that quote, what is it...something like, "one "bad" meal won't make you fat, just like one "good" meal won't make you skinny"  so if you do eat a "bad" meal (which I have eaten more than just my cheat meal in a week) get over it, move on, don't let it ruin everything you have worked so hard for.  When I mess up I ask myself...what are my options?  Quit and get back to where I was? or forget what I did and move on?  In the past it would be the first, but back then I wasn't even asking myself that question.  And most of all I love this quote, saying "Oh, I've already ruined my good eating today.  I'll just eat crap." is like saying, "Oh, I dropped my phone on the floor. I'll just smash it until it breaks!"  Now seriously...who would really do that, yet a lot of us do that daily, but with something that is worth so much more than a phone...with our bodies.  Try and think about that next time you might be emotional eating, or are mad about something you ate....don't let it define you and completely ruin all the work you have put in!

   Ok, so here are just a few examples of my meals for the day.  I usually try and eat a pretty good size breakfast everyday...it's definitely my favorite meal of the day!  My favorite breakfast is 4 slices of turkey bacon(mmmm..mmm...mmmm), 1 whole egg with 3 egg whites scrambled, cottage cheese, and some toast with peanut butter.  I look at calories and am aware, I won't eat something that is outrageous in calories.  Another yummy breakfast is 2 whole eggs over easy on toast with some turkey and cheese.  YUM!  Sometimes I just grab a bagel with peanut butter or cream cheese, or even have a pancake or 2 with my girls.  My husband and I will make a big egg casserole to have for the week too, which is easy and quick to grab when in a hurry.  Also, if I'm running late I will just grab a protein bar or mix up a shake.  I try not to do this too often because I eat those as snacks during the day.  I try to not get stuck eating the same thing everyday, so it doesn't get boring.

   Then comes lunch,  my oh so AMAZING husband and I do meal prep every Sunday.  We just started meal prep about a month ago and have loved it.  I cut up the veggies, sweet potatoes, bell peppers, onions, and cook the rice, then he grills it all up outside, along with the chicken or salmon. We will keep some chicken separate, but the rest gets mixed with all the veggies and rice like a stir fry.  This is what I have for most of my lunches.  Other times I will make a turkey wrap and bake some veggies.  I love zucchini and asparagus.  I cut up some zucchini, put a little olive oil on it, spread some parm cheese on it...throw it in the oven on 350 and let it cook about 12 minutes depending on how quick your oven cooks.  This is how I cook most of my veggies.   I would say I don't have as big of variety at lunch, but mostly because this is the meal that I have always struggled with.  I almost never ate lunch because I was always going, going, going.  People who have a full time job have a certain time they eat, but with 3 young kids I would feed them and just forget about myself.  Now, I just try to make it as easy as possible for myself.

   I'm a big fan of dinner as well, because I have lots of variety for dinner.  We are often on the go in our house, so there are a few times during the week that I eat a meal prep meal, but I try and mix things up as well, while still trying to keep it simple.  I really like to use my crock pot because it is super easy and convenient.  I will throw some chicken in there, black beans (drained), a rotel or 2, a little frozen corn, onions(if I do this it's for my husband I don't like them if they are not grilled), some salsa,  a packet of taco seasoning, cheese, a little water and cook it all day.    I literally just throw things together and it taste so good, and makes a good amount.  I look up lots of healthy crock pot meals online or pinterest to get ideas.  I like grilled salmon, served with a little brown rice, quinoa, or sweet potatoes, and a veggie.  One of my favorites is like a burrito bowl from Qudoba.  It is made pretty much like the stir fry, but with different flavors and cooked a little differently.  I like grilling out some turkey burgers with the fam as well.  Turkey meatballs are super yummy too.  I look up lots of ideas for meals online, pinterest, or instagram.

   For snacks I eat a protein bar or shake most of the times, because it is easiest, but I also eat fruit at times as my morning snack.  A rice cake with some peanut butter always gets my sweet tooth as well.

  So that is an example of some of the things I eat.  For me it has been small changes from the beginning.  In the past I try to change too much at once, and eventually I break.  So my biggest word of advice for food, the gym, and weight loss is...don't try to change it all at once.  Small changes equal big results.  You are not going to lose all your weight over night.  It takes time, and this is the first time I have ever been successful and it's because I finally realized just that...it takes time.  This is a process, a marathon...not a sprint.  If you drink 5 pops a days, don't try and cut everyone of them out at once.  Slowly start eliminating one at a time.  Maybe it takes 2 months to be off them completely, or only down to one, but you got there realistically.  Don't try and go from not working out at all, to working out 5 times a week.  Make a goal of simply once a week.  After a month or so...add a day.  From past experience for me, changing everything at once eventually gets overwhelming and you fall off track.  I know everyone might not be that way, but I think a majority of us can admit we are.  Also remember weight loss is 80% what we eat and 20% working out, while working out is amazing and extremely beneficial, you can lose weight without the gym, but not without healthier eating habits....trust me I am living proof of this.  The gym has never been my problem....it's always been food.  Another thing to remember is...I am not a professional....this is what I have done and what I believe is working for me.  I'm not saying I am right or wrong.  I'm not trying to claim I am smarter than anyone or bash something that others are doing.  I try to never be negative about others in anyway.  Negativity is one of the least attractive qualities someone can have. I don't like when others have to put others down to make themselves feel better.  BE POSITIVE GUYS! Remember....you can do this.  Anyone can do this.  You can make excuse after excuse, but that does nothing for you does it?  If you have a reason you can't work out....that's ok...you can still eat healthy.   I hope this answered some of your questions.  I am happy to still answer direct messages or private messages if you have any other questions...Please don't hesitate to ask.  I want everyone to be successful, and if I can help you in any way I would love to do so, it just may take a short bit to get back to you, but I will get back to you!  Thank you all so much for all you love, support, and kind and encouraging words....they are greatly appreciated and a huge reason for my success thus far!  Hope you all have a beautiful day!

Brittany

My story

Hey y'all!   I just wanted to share my story about my weight issues, weight loss, and struggles with all my new followers and anyone who doesn't know it.
    My name is Brittany and I am a 30 year old mommy to 3 beautiful little girls.   I actually have one more biological daughter that is 9 that I gave up for adoption,  but you can read all about her and that story in a previous blog (my 9 year old daughter).  On December 29, 2014 I weighed in at a whopping 230.5 pounds.   Heavier than I had ever been (not pregnant).  I was 8 weeks post partum, so I couldn't use the excuse anymore of baby weight. .. which it was, but it was there because of how much I gained while pregnant.   2 weeks before I weighed myself and was 230.5 I had weighed myself and weighed 219 pounds.   I managed to gain over ten pounds in 2 short weeks.   Now my story did not just begin after this pregnancy,  I have struggled with my weight most of my teen and adult life. 
    I began secret eating at a very young age. .. when my parents said no I couldn't eat something I wanted I rememBer I would just sneek it.   I have always been very active... my younger years was a competitive gymnast, in high school a very competitive cheerleader,  in college I was not as aCtive,  but still did a lot of dance and cheer stuff. .. and the past 7 years have gone to the gym here and then,  but have been an active zumba instructor for two and a half years.  Oh yeah and trained and ran a full marathon 3 yeArs ago (training for my second full starting in May).  So being active has NEVER been a problem for me.   It has always been the food.  Food has always been my enemy.   When I turned 16 I rememBer I was so excited to drive. .. just so I could go thru drive thrus and eat whatever I wanted.   Before I had kids. ..I was definitely bigger,  but it never was as bad as it got once I got married and had kids.  
    After my husband and I got together that was when I really started struggling worse than ever with my weight and secret eating.   I would literally eat all meals at home. .. and after all of them go to fast food and eat another meal.   For absolutely no reason.   I would run to wal greens or anywhere and I would by 3 to 5 full size candy bars and eat them completely gone before I was home. ... and it was only a five minute drive. I truly believe that I had an addiction to food, but it was something I was so ashamed of and never knew of anyone else that struggled with it. .. that I didn't know what to do.
   Finally after having our second daughter and at six months post partum....something hit me. ..I was over it. ..I weighed 226 pounds. .. that's when I started this blog.  I had never seen a weight loss blog before, but for some reason I thought of doing it publicly through Facebook and blogging, I thought it would help to hold me accountable.   Do I enjoy everyone seeing my fat hang out... or me in a sports bra?  Absolutely not, but I knew this would keep me going.  So publicly I began my weight loss. ..I got all the way down to I think 201 and then just kind of stopped.   I was weighing in on camera,  taking lots of progress pics, and eating healthy. .. even ran my first half marathon,  but I just slowly started getting out of everytHing.   Stopped blogging, working out, eating healthy, and before long I was back up to 220 pounds or so.
     By early 2012 I was 3 months in training for my first full marathon (still weighing 220) but doing absolutely nothing about my eating.  I thought by training for the marathon I would just naturally lose weight, but back then I couldn't get through my head that it was all about eating right.  At the beginning of March I had finally had it.  I had gained almost all my weight back and I was miserable, so I decided to start blogging again.  I was a little discouraged to blog again because I felt like people would look at it like, here goes Brittany once again trying to lose weight, but I got nothing but support...and a great amount of it!  It was so encouraging to hear encouragement from so many people I knew, barely knew, or didn't know at all.  Or even how I was inspiring them.  Which when I began this journey publicly 4 years ago, 3 years ago, and now almost 4 months ago....I never have thought of it inspiring people...I truly just started it to keep myself accountable, but the fact that so many people have told me how inspired they are by it....makes me now know the real reason I began this blog/public weight loss journey.  So after being on facebook one night in March my husband and I came across this Oklahoma's Biggest Loser (you can read more on those blogs and what it was in my past blogs if you are interested).  So i signed up.  Over the next 8 weeks I went from 216 pounds to 184 pounds!  I felt amazing!  I promised I was not going to stop after the contest ended, but then life happened....and since I was so strict while doing biggest loser...I cut EVERYTHING out and pretty much ate only chicken and broccoli for breakfast, lunch, and dinner....It was not long before it started coming back on.  I had told myself this was it, but in May of 2012 when I was at my lowest weight since I had been with my husband, we decided we were ready for baby number 3.

      With our previous 2 children I coughed and I was pregnant.  Literally...Our oldest was not planned at all, and our middle daughter we literally talked about starting to try and two weeks later I was pregnant....I seriously didn't even know how ovulation worked back then.  So we just figured it would be super easy to get pregnant again.  8 extremely long months later....weighing back in at 215 pounds, on December 16th 2012....we found out we were finally pregnant again!  That 8 months of trying and not getting pregnant had completely done me in.  I was so depressed with my weight, depressed with not getting pregnant, and was over eating and secret eating worse than I ever had.  To top it all off, when I was 11 weeks pregnant they had confirmed that I had a miscarriage.  I was devastated.   

    From February 2013 until November 2013, I felt like everything was so crazy.  I wanted a baby so bad, but I also wanted to lose weight and get healthy so bad.  So during that time we tried off and on to get pregnant...I was trying to control everything.  I had stopped trusting that the Lord had a plan for me and getting pregnant and losing weight as well.  I had tried to take it all into my own hands and  was not leaning on the Lord for any support.  November 2013 I was OVER IT!  I started back working out...I was teaching 3 to 5 zumba classes a week and I started eating healthy.  Except this time I really was trying to focus on not changing everything at once.  I allowed myself a cheat meal every week and did more portion control.  I started admitting that I was a desert person and liked sweets, and allowed myself sweets quite often, but in small portions.  I also started putting 100% of my trust in the Lord.  I knew when it was time...I would be pregnant.  He was just waiting on me to give it back to him.  I truly believe that is how I was so successful losing weight as well.  By January I had already lost over 30 pounds.  I finally felt like I was comfortable enough to start trying for a baby again.  So we started...and in March of 2014 we found out we were pregnant with our rainbow baby.  The Lord gave me this calmness from the very night we conceived her...I truly knew that night I had gotten pregnant....I only needed the test to confirm.

      My entire pregnancy I ate what I wanted.  Never tried to control anything.  Even though it was my 4th pregnancy and I knew what happened with my last one...I wasn't really packing on the pounds that much, so I continued eating.  But for some reason a lot of women believe pregnancy is an excuse to eat.  I know I did. I wasn't even secret eating that much...I was just eating.  I also went from being super active, to not working out at all.  I was so scared of miscarrying that I decided to stop teaching my zumba classes and doing any other work out as well.  Obviously I know I shouldn't have done that, but I did...and I regret that.  By the end of my pregnancy...I went from 198 pounds to over 250 pounds.  That is also with starting my pregnancy obese...and I was only suppose to gain like 10 pounds, but honestly I never felt like I looked that heavy until the very end. 

    So flash forward to how I ended up starting my weight loss once and for all.  I weighed myself mid December 2014 6 weeks postpartum and weighed 219.  I actually was not too unhappy with that number.  I mean it was high, but I remember thinking, if I just start watching my eating and now that I can start working out again I should be able to get under 200 pretty quick...then just go from there.  Yeah....not so much.  The next 2 weeks was Christmas and all the stuff that goes with it...so what did I do?  I ate...and I ate some more...and then I kept eating.  In this two week time period as well we sold our house..which closed on December 23rd, our 6 week old was admitted to the hospital for the flu and an infected belly button (it was so sad poor baby) I was there with her for 3 nights, while in the hospital that entire time we were moving from our house to my sisters, we had Christmas, and then on January 1st moved to our rent home, oh yeah plus I gained 11.5 pounds too.  So in that 2 weeks period when I was eating, I also knew I had to start something...(I didn't even know I had gained 11 pounds yet) I saw on a commercial the $200,000 transformation contest through bodybuilding.com.  Well I like a good contest (because I sadly am the most competitive person, one quality of mine that I really don't like) so I thought...OK here's my sign...I'm doing this contest...and it starts December 29th.  So I weighed myself that morning and OMG I weighed 230.5 pounds.  I was mortified.  But I got over it and knew I had to start somewhere.  

    I was ready to get the party started.  I chose to do Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer.  I knew I wanted to build muscle as well as lose weight, but I didn't really know much about lifting, and I had started that program 2 other times and never finished it so I thought lets do it!  My first couple weeks back I was pretty embarrassed to be at the gym.  I cried almost every time I was there because of what I saw in the mirror.  I felt like the fat girl that everyone at the gym stared at and thought there's a new years resolution girl.  Which a little side note on that...nothing bothers me more than people that are annoyed by the gym being busy because people make it a new years resolution.  Are you kidding me?  We should be encouraging those people....get over yourself fit person that has been coming forever and encourage those people....you have to start somewhere.  Maybe some of them fail at their resolution and probably more do than not, but seriously you are no better than them.  Ok rant over, but I didn't even have work out clothes that fit.  Nothing fit....I looked ridiculous.  But I did it....I went to the gym and I lifted weights where all the fit people do.  I didn't really have an idea on what I was doing with my "diet" but I was just kind of watching what I ate I lost about 13 pounds. But before long...I was literally forcing myself to go to the gym, and not making the best decisions with food, but also not making the worst.  Then my husband went on a business trip at the beginning of February for 4 days...during that time, I got strep throat and all I did was eat.  I was so sick and all I did was eat.  Two nights in a row I ate an entire pizza by myself.  I knew I was slowly getting off track before, but that week was my breaking point.

    The night before Jonathan came home I somehow started coming across peoples weight loss transformations on instagram.  And I became so inspired.  There was one in particular that really stuck out to me.  @Happyhungryfit I saw her before pics and her current pics and read some of her story.  Then I realized she had done it all in a year.  Not that you stop when you get to your goal weight, but she had hit her goal in a year.  I was thinking how short a year really is, and how quickly it goes by.  We all want these overnight transformations, and those just are not realistic.  But in the scheme of things a year is such a short time.  So I was inspired.  The next day when Jonathan got home I told him about the weight loss instagram accounts and we read up about iifym.  That day I decided to change my name to @britsweightlossjourney and once again publicly do my weight loss.  We got rid of facebook over 2 years ago so instagram was my only way to do it (so for any of you guys who have said lets connect on fb, I can't because I no longer have an account)  This all happened February 5th and I have been going strong ever since.  So my journey began December 29th and from then to Feb. I lost 13 pounds, but I started my instagram on Feb. 5th. 

      Since then I have worked out 5 days a week every week, and a lot of the weeks 6 times, but I aim for 5 and if I do 6 or 7 that's a bonus.   I feel like a different human being than I have ever been.  I have never in my life seen much muscle definition on my body, but slowly I am noticing the changes.  I have set small goals for myself so I don't get overwhelmed by the big picture.  My first goal is under 200 pounds.  Next is under 180 pounds, then 150 pounds, and finally 130 pounds.  I'm not too hung up on numbers and size....to some extent.  For about 5 weeks I was stuck and had hit a plateau, I was stuck at 207.  So 5 weeks ago I decided to hide my scale and not weigh myself.  I finally weighed myself and I am at 202 pounds.  I usually would let this discourage me, and honestly it does really make me mad, but what are my options?  To quit?  Where will that get me?  In the five weeks I have noticed some major major changes in my body.  It might only be 5 pounds, but I have definition in my arms, and have dropped to almost a size 14.  Guys...I started in an 18 being extremely tight.  I mean SERIOUSLY I can not be mad about that.  I know it will take months to really notice the muscles, but I believe in 3 more months or so I truly will not believe what I see.  I have been on this journey now for almost 4 months, which is about 2 months longer than I ever have, but there is no end to this...and we are not even going to talk about getting pregnant with our next one until I am more than comfortable and positive I can continue during pregnancy (yes we want more kids 1 more for sure, possibly 2 or 3...crazy we know)   

      I will end with this...THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!  You are all my encouragement...everyday you keep me going.  Your kind words of encouragement and love are truly more than I could even imagine.  From people I know, to kind of know, to people I don't know at all.  And let me tell you...all the fitness people or people on their own journeys that like or comment...wow...it seriously means so much!  And to all you ladies or men that I follow on instagram with weight transformation accounts...thank you so much for inspiring me.  You might not even know that I exist or that I follow you, but you have truly inspired me.  It's because of you that I now believe I can be even more than I ever even begin to imagine....it's because of you that I know I am going to have massive guns one day, and it's because of you that I believe one day I might wear a bikini again!  I love all of my followers and encouragers so much, you all have changed my life! But most of all I owe all of this to my savior...it's because of him any of this is possible!  Again from the bottom of my heart....THANK YOU!

Brittany

Feeling pretty awesome

Well. .. one week and a few dAys down, and I'm not made at all about my week!   My biggest fear with counting my macros was/is with not keeping up with tracking the nutrients I need to track. But this week I have done a great job at it.   I want it to just become a habit so it's not something I have to worry about anymore!  I have a goal to fill up the entire notebook I am tracking in... so hopefully that helps too.   I knOw I won't be successful at it if I don't track.  
   So I don't know if I have mentioned. ..for my workout I am following Jamie Eason live fit trainer.   It is a twelve week program that is all weight lifting.   I actually started it on December 29th, but because of being sick one week I am a little behind.   I am half way through week six.   I have actually done it before, but only got about 5 weeks in.   I decided I was going to finish it out because I am definitely a beginner at weight Lifting... so it is TeacHing me a lot. .. and the basics.   Plus of coarse I am running, zumbaing, our doing some type of cardio daily as well.  I'm not going to lie. ..I don't have any doubt I will have the muscle tone I want if I just stick to counting and lifting. ...I absolutely love lifTing.   I think it's probably because I feel really cool doing it (hahaha) and I can literally feel the muscle being worked.   
    So last week I posted up some pretty DisturBing before pictures and an extremely high number on the scale.   I am going to post tHis weeks pics (which I took in different shorts. .. which are the shorts I will now be taking the pics in because they are tight) and I have tried like 5 times to take a pic of the scale, but my pHone is as slow as they come so I never got one. .. but drum roll please.....210.0 pounds!  Woo hoo! I am very very pLeased with that number. ..especially because I just started counting my macros, but had started working out and eating better Dec.  29th. ..do that was a 3.6 pounds weight loss (maybe 3.4)  I can't remember.   That means I am only 11 pounds away from under 200 and only 12 pounds away from pre pheebs weight (thats my daughters nickname.. if you were thinking what's a pheebs? )  I am so proud of my loss so far. ..I know it will take me a year or so to get to where I want and need to be, but y'all think of how quick a year goes by.   I mean it literally flies by and I will be so mad at myself if I let another year go by without doing something about my weight.   Plus. .. of coarse. ...I can't wait to have more babies!  I can't even imagine being 130 pounds and being pregnant.    That will be so awesome!  
   Thank you all so much for your support and following me on tHis journey!   Love you guys

Brittany

A Fresh start on my journey!

Hey guys.   Hope everyone is having a BEAUTIFUL Friday thus far!   So I am pretty excited to start my weight loss.   Well actually continue it,   I say that because I have already lost 33 pounds.   I have been pretty down this week.  I'm just still very depressed about my weight. .. i ate very bad this week and didn't go to the gym at all, yet I still lost a pound and a half.  So Needless to say I was pretty excited when I stepped on the scale this afternoon!   I honestly thought I might have gained a pound or two.  
   So lately I have found lots of inspiring women on instagram that have been in my exact shoes.   Most of them weighed even more than I do.   They are so inspiring, and they didn't just lose weight, all off them have beautiful bodies with beautiful muscle!   That is my goal. ..I don't want to just lose weight. .. I want to be toned and In shape.   With that being said and after researching and reading how a lady I follow on instagram named @happyhungryfit did it, I feel this is the best way for me to lose and build muscle at the same time.   In the past I have done what a lot of people do to lose weight. .. pretty much starved myself.   Hence the reason I have always gained it all back.   I have Decided to count my macros which I learned about like I said from @happyhungryfit and the IIFYM website.   I am so excited to be using this as a weight loss tool.  With your weight and days you are working out, you figure out how many calories, carbs, fiber, and protein you need a day.   It has room to eat all types of food. ..not just chicken and broccoli. .. or shakes for every meal.  
   I am so excited to start seeing results. ... and I know it won't happen over Night.   Now everyone get ready. .. I'm not excited about this, but I am going to post my before pics.   Like I'm taking them today.   This is me at 213 pounds, and I am not excited about sharing it, but I feel I need to post it to continue being honest with myself.   Thank you all for reading and helping me on my journey!  Hope you all have a great weekend.

Dave Ramsey is our homeboy!

Well... I'm not going to lie. .. I'm pretty proud of myself.. my SeCond blog in four days!  Go me!  I decided I was going to dedicate this blog to Dave Ramsey and his amazing financial smartness (I knOw it's not a word, but it's fun) and how he has changed our lives.   I figure it's a perfect time being the beginning of the year. .. maybe it will moTivate people to get out of debt that feel eXtremely overwhelmed. .. or just encourage those people that are already working the plan that feel like they are so far from the end!
   Anyways,  so the first five years of our relationship Jonathan and I racked up some debt.   We bought a brand new car, had a few credit cards, he finished up school, and had some medical bills.  Plus on top of all that we had made the decision for me to be a stay at home mom.   Hence the reason we started using credit cards.   Now we were pretty decent credit card users (if there is such a thing) we would pay them off quickly and not carry a balance for too long and if we had a big balance once we got our taxes back we would pay all the credit cards off.  That worked, but eventually we would have been in over our heads.  We had always tossed around the idea of doing the complete money makeover by Dave Ramsey. .. we believed and loved everything he said, but i think we were both just scared of the changes we were going to have to make. .. and we were really scared of the total of debt we had (we had never really added it all up) now when I say debt I mean everything minus the house.   Lots of people like to act like their out of debt yet they still owe on their car.   If you are making a monthly payment on sometHing that are not just your normal bills (utilities, phone, etc.) That is a debt.           Well a little over a year ago. .. November 2013 to be exact we were done talking about getting out of debt and ready to start working on it.  It was the kind of thing that every two weeks when we did our budget it was stressful and no fun.  We finally added up all of our debt.... and the number almost blew our socks off!  $99,118.58 to be exact.   That was car, credit cards, school, medical bills, and a new heating and air conditioner we had financed for our house the year before.   After adding it all up we did the debt snowball to figure out how long it would take us to get out off debt.   With all our calculations it would take us 16 months to get it all paid off.  Now that's not too long of a time, but we have changed a lot about how we are living right now!  The first thing we did was sell my car and buy a car for cash.   This was hard for me seeing how I was driving the car that I had dreamed of for a few years before we got and I absolutely loved it.   But we want to be out of debt so badly and to never have a car payment again that I figured I could drive a ghetto car for a year or two until we can buy my next car (which will always be a car for cash, but the budget will just keep getting Bigger haha) and by ghetto I mean eXtremely ghetto. .. and by car I mean a 15 year old mini van.  It's pretty ugly and old,  and it was everything I didn't want if I got a minivan. .. no captain seats, silver, and to top it all off. .. it's 3 doors!   But it was the best deal with eXtremely low miles and one previous owner (the back seats had never been Sat in) it was the most reliable we could Find for our price we wanted to spend.   I would be lying if I said I wasn't embarrassed by it , or that I hate pulling up to the girls school in it,  but I just keep thinking about how being out of debt will be so worth it. .. and the girls think it's the coolest car ever,  so that makes it all the better!  They named it frozen. .. Go figure!   We have been eXtremely blessed by Jonathan's job, because with his job he gets a brand new car and every 75,000 miles he gets a new one!  So that has been so helpful!   Another thing we changed was we don't eat out. .. like EVER!  Which honestly we are completely fine with.   If we do it would be for a date night, which is another thing we budget for or it doesn't happen.   Every single penny is budgeted.   If we didn't budget for it in advance we can't do it.   Last year our life group was going to a concert that was ten dollars a ticket. .. We didn't go because we didn't budget for it.   It might sound silly. .. it was only $20 but it adds up and every penny was already assigned!  Now....once we are out of debt we will be working the next steps towards financial freedom,  but we will not be living this crazy strict.   You have to be this strict while getting out of debt or you will never get there! 
    Dave Ramsey and his teachings have truly been the biggest blessings ever!  I feel so lucky that I have a husband who is completely on board with the whole plan. Anyone can work this plan!  It is so worth it and making the sacrifices!   He teaches you so much.   Now I don't even stress about the future one bit.   I feel like we are changing not only our lives, but our children's as well.   We are TeacHing them how to handle money, and I believe that is such a wonderful gift!   God is so good and all of this is because of him. .. none of this is possible without him!   I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us. ..I feel so blessed that we have been able to work this program and change our lives forever!   Hope you all have a wonderful night and rest of the weekend!
    

A little bit of life!

Well it's been about 6 months since I last posted, but since I enjoy blogging so much, I decided to make it a goal this year to blog more often!  Now it's just making the time. 
     Man last year was such an amazing year!  Our 3rd beautiful daughter was born on November 11th.  It's was such a beautiful day. ..I actually had her 100% all natural. .. and it hurt....A LOT! I don't enjoy the pain at all,  but really wanted to experience childbirth.   With Natalie my oldest daughter I had an epidural and felt almost nothing,  With Madi Rae I had a natural childbirth,  With Molly Mae I didn't get an epidural till I was a seven, and with Phoebe Kae I did it natural again!   I actually hate how nowadays so many women don't even experience childbirth.   Like, they don't even feel one Single contraction.   It just seems so crazy to me. .. and I am all for the epidural. .I'm not one of those judgy people that think people are ridiculous if they get an epidural,  but I wish more women at least got to experience it!  I also totally understand that people have to get c sections.  I guess I just feel very blessed that I have had the wonderful birthing experiences I have had!
     So another super awesome thing that happened in 2014, Jonathan and I finally decided it was time to sell our home.   After waiting, waiting, and waiting some more... we finally decided we were ready to take the plunge.   We knew the Lord would tell us when the time was right. .. our main thing was that we wanted to continue living below our means and have at least 20% to put down. .. and we do, so we finally feel comfortable moving!   Jonathan lived in our old house for 27 years,  so it was hard for us to leave but we are so happy we did!  I'm so proud of us for hanging around that extra 2 plus years...it really helped us to learn patience and to trust that God knew what he was doing with our home.   And of coarse he knew, because after deciding we were ready to sell. .. in October we decided we were going to build a house. .. and not only that, but literally build a house in our dream neighborhood!  We are building in a beautiful neighborhood called Williamson farms!  The location is perfect and it goes to the elementary that we would Love our children to go to (if we don't homeschool. .. that is another blog one day) and what I love even more is that we are building a very modest home. .. not super big!  We chose to do so, so we can get it paid off quickly and save to buy our next home in cash or have half or more to put down!  We are huge Dave Ramsey financial freedom people (also another blog) so we felt this was a great a obtainable goal!  We are just so blessed That we get to do this and have a beaUtiful new home. .. it's all because God is so good!
    So once we put the house on the marketx it sold in 36 days. .. We found out November 11th (the same day pheebs was born) that we sold our home and that we would be closing on December 23rd.   We are blessed to have a friend that owns a few houses and she is letting us stay in one until our house is finished, which should be the end of March!  So from the 20th of December till January 1st we had a 2 night stay in the hospital (pheebs had the flu and a small infection in her belly button from her umbilical cord) we packed and closed on our house,  moved into my sisters house (rent house was not ready till the first) celebrated Christmas and New years, and then finally moved into the rent house!  Wow. .. the end of the year got Cray..haha I said Cray. ..I think that word is so funny!
Well that is all for now. ..I hope you all have a beaUtiful day and week. .. and remember that all of this is possible because of our Lord father. .. Man he is so good!  Love you guys!

My 9 year old daughter!

As I sit here this early morning at 4 a.m. unable to sleep I have something on my heart that as of last year June 6, 2013 only about 10 people knew about!  After I shared with my husband I have slowly shared with others, and wanted to with everyone, but honestly I owe it to absolutely no one to share this information(other than my husband and children), but it is something now that I am to proud of and have always loved so much I want everyone to know!  I will preface this blog with this...I can't imagine what people will say when they read this blog and what crazy rumors will fly,...especially when they don't read the blog and here it from someone else, but I sit here smiling because honestly...I don't care at all what rumors are started or what nasty things might be said...this is my life and my husband, children, my family, and the Lord know...that is the only approval I need!  So here it goes...I am happy to say that 9 years ago on June 2, 2005 I became a mother to a beautiful little girl!

           I was 20 years old and it was the most crazy, weird, sad, happy, beautiful day!  The story goes like this...In mid 2004 I became a single lady for the first time since my first week of my freshman year in high school.  Not much detail needs to go into how I got pregnant...because I'm pretty sure we all know about how that happens.  I will also say this long before I get into details...NONE of YOU... and I mean NONE OF YOU...know the father!  I can say that with 100% confidence!  Anyways...I found out I was pregnant long after I became pregnant...about mid February.  I remember finding out, but until the day I told my family I didn't believe it.  I actually hid it the entire time...not only from my parents, but from EVERY SINGLE person I knew!  I was living with my parents at the time, but the clothes I wore were baggy and I didn't gain much weight at all.  But after working a double at chilis on June 1st with my older sister we were driving home late that night together.  I could not keep it inside any longer...I was terrified...I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen..I didn't know how far along I was...and thinking about it now...I know it was God giving me the strength to tell her.  So on our way home from work I broke down and told her.  I was bawling and terrified of telling my parents.  No one wants to tell their parents they are pregnant(when you are single and young)...oh and by the way I'm pretty sure I'm far along...oh and on top of that I don't even know the father...oh and better yet...your little girl has had sex!  But because I was able to tell my beautiful sister that night....she helped me with my parents when I got home.  My mom was shocked, but I remember she was fairly calm, because I was not the only one that was scared...they were all as scared as me!  My daddy was asleep so my mom told him the next day without me there.  I can only imagine I completely broke his heart in to pieces, but he was nothing but supportive as both my sisters and mom were.  It was late that night after we got home and talked to my mom, so the following morning when we woke up we talked again and my mom, my sister, and I had come up with a decision on what I was going to do.  Keeping the baby to me was never an option at the time.  I was not ready for a baby...I only cared about myself...I was very selfish and humiliated and wanted no one to ever know what had happened.  We had decided the following week my sister and I would drive out to Las Vegas where my aunt lived and finish out the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption there.  I was 100% on board with that, but God had different plans...and I am so thankful now that he did!

         So that morning after deciding we were headed to Vegas the following week...My sister and I had to both work a double again that day and night!  We both closed again and rode home together once again.  But on the way home I began having extreme pains in my stomach...they felt like extremely painful cramps, but not in a million years did I think I was in labor.  So when I got home and told my mom about the pain she said she thinks I must be in labor.  Her, my sister, and I got in the car and drove to the closest, but farthest hospital we could think of so that no one we knew would hopefully be there.  We ended up at Yukon hospital.  I don't think I was very far into labor yet, but I was for sure in labor.  I was terrified... I think more than anything I was in shock...as I'm sure my sister, mom, and dad were too.  After the doctors came in and checked me...and made darn sure that I knew what I had done was a horrible thing and absolutely ridiculous for just now being my first doctor visit...they did an ultra sound.  They said the baby was very small and more than likely a preemie and that I needed to be taken to a hospital with a NICU.  So they took me in an ambulance to Baptist.  Over the next several hours I was in labor and trying to figure out what I was going to do.  I still knew that I wanted to give the baby up for adoption, but at the time...I felt so selfish and ashamed of everything I had done...I told the nurses, doctor, and my family that as soon as the baby comes out I don't want to see it or hold it period.  I wanted to pick a family and them take the baby.  I was so ashamed of what was going on...I was not good enough for this baby.  To clear the word ashamed up...I was not ashamed of the baby, I was ashamed that I could be so selfish of another persons life.  Thank the good Lord...the nurse and my mom and sister talked me into holding her and having time with her after she was born.  Once she came out she was a full term healthy beautiful baby girl (Thank you Jesus)  I still could not believe what had just happened...less than 36 hours ago I told my family I was pregnant and now here she is.           After everything settled down my mom and sister told me if I wanted I could keep the baby.  They wanted me to know that that was an option.  All I had considered in that short amount of time was adoption, the thought of keeping her never crossed my mind.  They never tried to push it on me, but they wanted me to know we could raise this little girl together and that it could be a happy thing.  I think they didn't want me to make a rash decision and regret it, and I am so thankful for that, because if it were not for them...I would have never held her, or seen her beautiful face, and I would have chosen to have a closed adoption other than an open.  But I will say this...I absolutely not for one second regret the decision I made to put her up for adoption...and let me tell you why.  Because God put the most beautiful amazing family in front of me in a book that day that he had hand picked out himself to be that beautiful little girls mommy and daddy!  It was truly the Lord working in me that day, because I had gone through several books of families and all of them would have been a great pick, but when I came to them....I KNEW!  At the time they were I think 27 or 28 years old.  They had been together since they were in high school and got married.  All the time knowing that she was unable to have children.  I by the ways chose Deaconess homes(now I think it is called Deaconess adoption) as the adoption agency, which again was God choosing them for me, because that agency is truly amazing!  The book I look through to pick a family it just like a scrapbook.  It is all about their life and story.  Tons of pictures and info on them!  But what I think is the coolest thing for them...is that most people find out months before they get a baby.  This amazing couple found out one day before they got to take their beautiful little girl home.  What I found out last year was that the week before they had just finished there paper work and gotten in the system just a few days before I chose them!  WOW!  If God did not pick them to be her parents... WOW!    So once the Lord chose them I was told the following day they were coming up and I would get to meet them.  That was also the day they would take her home and I was being released to go home as well.  I spent lots of time with that beautiful little girl over that last day, but the entire time knowing what I was doing was the right thing.  I had chosen to have a semi-open adoption.  Which meant I knew their first names and they mine...but communication was all done through the agency!  Which at the time was exactly what I needed.  So happy it was not a closed adoption, but was not ready for a completely open one.  So the following day was the day my beautiful daughter got to meet her mom and dad and the first day they got to hold their sweet baby!  It as you can imagine was an extremely emotional day for us all!  My sisters, mom, and I were full of tears.  Let me stop right here really quick and say this...my mom, sisters, and daddy were my support system!  Without them and there continuous love for me through this entire time was so amazing..if I did not have them through this it could have turned out completely different.  Thank you is not enough for what they did for me!  I love them more than they will ever know!  I got to see them hold their daughter...and I think for me...seeing how happy and thankful they were was enough to make me know I had done the right thing.  But it was not til 8 years later that I really realized what I did!   

       After I left the hospital it was like nothing had ever happened.  I went about life as it was before as did my family!  At the time I think we all thought we would take it to the grave.  I was going on with my life, but receiving wonderful letters about this amazing growing little beauty that I gave birth to!  Her mom and dad were so amazing with sending me pictures and so many cards about how thankful they were for me.  It's kind of weird that I remember reading the cards and loving what they said to me and how thankful they were, but I don't think I ever realized what I did for them.  Since the day I met them I have known that this little girl was theirs not mine, so to me it never hit me at the time that I gave them a family.  (Well I can't take any credit for it...it was all the Lord)  I would send them and her cards and every birthday I would get her a present.  That was until Christmas 2008.  After that I completely cut off communication with them.

        The last thing I sent them was Christmas 2008, and I stopped picking anything up they had sent me after that time as well!  5 months earlier we had just had Madi Rae and was engaged to my husband.  The last thing I wanted was for him to find out about my past.  So I selfishly cut off communication.  She was three and a half at the time...and I had no communication with her or her family again until right after she turned 8.

         Flash forward to June 2013.  Over the past year Jonathan and I had started attending Life church!  We had started making small changes in our lives for the better, but by April our lives were completely different than they were before.  We started living our lives 100% for the Lord!  We joined a life group with some amazing people who we now call some of our closest friends.  And because of one couple in particular and a story they told...gave me the courage to tell me husband about my past.  On June 6, 2013 in the late afternoon...which of all days happened to be our 4th wedding anniversary,  I started feeling the Lord and his presence.  It was so unbelievably strong....and he was telling me that I had to tell Jonathan about my biological daughter.  I remember literally speaking to him...saying why today?  Why on our anniversary...when we have plans, no kids that night...why now?  But his conviction was so strong I literally could not breath!  I was sweating and in tears and I just knew I had to tell him the second he got home from work.  Of coarse I was only thinking the worst...he was going to leave me...divorce me...I don't know...all the time giving my husband no credit...and not considering he was a strong Christian man.  He came in from work and I brought him into the living room...as I was shaking and crying I told him I had to tell him something very important.  I started it off by letting him know that I had not cheated on him (which I can only imagine he thought that I was about to tell him that)  But I told him...and he did nothing but opened his arms and hugged me and told me it was ok!  Told  me he was so sorry I had to go through that and that he understood!  He was more supportive than I could have ever prayed for.  That night we continued with our plans and after we went by my parents house and I picked up all the pictures and letters from her family and shared them with him!  It doesn't surprise me that he reacted that way once I thought about it!  As I said before my husband is a strong understanding Christian man...and I could not be more thankful for him! 

          The next day I wrote an extremely long letter to Natalie and her parents telling her about the past 4 years.  After writing it I drove up to Deaconess adoption agency and gave it to them and told them they have not heard from me in over 4 years.  They remembered me and were so excited to get the letter to them.  Shortly after her mother gave them her phone number and e-mail to give me.  It was now an open adoption and I was so excited to contact them.  A few days later they had gotten my letter and they had sent me lots of stuff she had written over the years to me.  And a few weeks later Jonathan and I got to meet my beautiful 8 year old biological daughter.  It was one of the top days of my life!  I got to meet her parents again and meet her little brother that they had adopted 23 months after she was born.  I really thought once I told Jonathan about her and since we now have children of our own, I would at sometime regret what I had done.  I absolutely not one day have regretted giving her up for adoption.  Not because I didn't or don't love her, because I love her just like I love my other 2 daughters, but because like I said before...she was always made for them!  The Lord allowed me to give birth to this beautiful little girl for this amazing family that was unable to have children!  This whole situation was never about me...it has always been about her.  Her family since the very beginning has been 100% honest with her about adoption and me, which I think is the best way to be.  She had always wanted to meet me once she understood, and I am so honored that I had the privilege to meet her.  Since last June we have kept in contact!  

          We finally told the girls about her about 2 months ago...and let me tell you...they were so excited!  They completely understand it.  They understand that mommy carried her in her tummy just like I did them, but that she has a different mommy and daddy!  We decided to not say anything about her being their half sister because we knew they would figure that out and we wanted to force nothing on them.  A few days after we told them they came to me and told me they were going to call her their friend sister...because mommy carried her in her tummy and they know they are going to be good friends!  HEART MELTED!  Last Saturday the girls were able to meet their friend sister and Jonathan and I got to spend time with her and her family again!  We spent 4 hours at the park and the 3 girls looked so natural together!  They have not stopped talking about her since then!  She is such a special beautiful little girl...and I'm not gonna lie...she looks A LOT like me!  She holds such a special place in my heart and I feel so blessed that he allowed me to carry her!  Not only that, but oh my goodness...her family is amazing!  We have a natural relationship and they are such amazing people!  I feel so thankful that her parents have always been so open and honest with her about her adoption!  I do regret the 4 years I missed, but I have forgiven myself for that and have a fresh start with her.  Thankfully God, her, and her family have allowed that, but like I said before...it has never been about me...it has always and will always be about her!  I love this beautiful girl with everything I am!  And for those of you who think I am having my 3rd girl....it's actually my 4th:)  GOD IS SO GOOD and all of this is because of him.  Something 9 years ago I thought was such a horrible thing and something I was so ashamed of...has become one of the very best things that has ever happened to me!

       I will end this extremely long blog like this....ASK ME ANYTHING!  This is a completely open subject with me!  I am not ashamed or embarrassed and you should not be either to ask me or text me anything!  I would rather you ask me a question than assume something or not ask me!  I will answer any question and have absolutely nothing to hide!  I could not be more happy to let you all know about this amazing journey in my life!  I also wrote this blog to maybe help someone!  When a small portion of my story was shared at church I had someone come tell me thank you because she had a similar story, but kept it from her parents because she lived in another state when she had the child.  I will say it one more time...ask me questions...don't make nasty things up or assume!  Hope you all have a beautiful day!